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Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in 99greenbunnies' LiveJournal:

    Thursday, September 30th, 2004
    2:27 pm
    Surreal forces
    Life seems a bit surreal right now. And I don't mean in the way that Tammy Faye Baker and Vince Neil have moved into my house. I just mean that nothing seems quite the way it should be. Things are strange. There are forces at work here that I am not sure of. These are not my decisions. I feel like I'm watching things happen. Just watching, waiting for it to be my turn to live this life, instead of all these other people in our bodies.
    Pay no attention to me. This isn't really happening.
    Monday, September 27th, 2004
    3:03 pm
    'Snot what you think.
    I'm sick. I'm sick in the way that my head is full of snot and I have this particularly woozy feeling. I think it's working it's way down to my chest too. Blah. I don't want to be sick. I have no medical insurance since my husband divorced me to be with that 42 year old married floozy woth three kids. I'm not bitter, I swear.
    I worked too much this weekend, I only slept two hours between Friday Morning and Sunday afternoon. It wasn't enough. I had a really physical 5 hour training in which I was dropped on my ass over a hundred times. I worked two midnight-8am shifts, and I had social activities I couldn't get out of. I'm still tired, and I slept all night last night.
    Of course, sleeping wasn't all that restful since I could hardly breathe. I called off work for my morning job, but will still be going in to work tonight from 4pm to midnight. I don't know if I'll make it. I feel like crap on a stick, and I don't even have a stick.
    I've gone through two boxes of tissued this weekend, and I even blew my nose on the napking that Norman gave me with his phone number on it. I guess I won't be calling him anymore.
    I'm going to go take a shower and get ready for work. Maybe all of that hot water will loosen me up. I'm hoping. I'm tired of being snotty.
    Saturday, September 25th, 2004
    10:05 pm
    The Great Penis Ban of 2004
    I have decided that for two weeks I am going to swear off penises. I was going to do it for life, but I think two weeks is all I can manage right now. I'm putting myself on a complete ban from seeing them, touching them in any way, or even thinking about them at all. (That last part isn't going so well as you can see because here I sit writing about the Great Penis Ban, so obnviously I'm thinking about them in some way.)
    Of course, four days into my two week ban I was hit on by a guy at a kids party. Well, Maybe "hit on" isn't the right term, Maybe it's more like "blatantly asked for sex". Yep. That's it.
    But I was strong. I hit him with a pair of blue jeans, and not the ones I had on. Nope, This time I kept my pants on.
    Friday, September 24th, 2004
    4:07 pm
    The trouble with Norman.
    I was playing bingo with my sister and her boyfriend at one of those festival/fair type things. It cost a quarter to play three cards. Each time someone would yell "BINGO!" there was this guy who would come around and collect the money for the next game.
    He was cute. And in my boy-crazy state, I'll smile at any guy who walks by me more than once, wether he's paid to do so or not. But he smiled back at me. And so the flirting began.
    I could tell he was younger than me. Probably significantly younger. But I didn't care. Pretty soon he was shiding his hand across mine as he handed me back change. It was fun. It felt good.
    He was standing behind my sister's boyfriend when I caught his eye again. He mouthed the words, "I want your number." and smiled at me again. I'm sure I blushed and looked down at my cards after nodding quickly in his direction.
    Having no pen or paper, I didn't really plan on giving this kid my number, but I still liked the idea that he wanted it.
    After a while, (We were only there 45 minutes total) he slipped me a napkin, I looked and saw writing on it and pocketed it stealthily. But my sister's boyfriend saw, he saw it all. My sister, however, was totally clueless.
    On the way out Jon asked me what was on the napkin, I didn't want to look at it yet, but he ribbed me a little and got me to pull it out. There was written, in blue pen, NORMAN and the phone number. Jon told me I better not call him, that I could do so much better, but I secretly liked the quiet innocence of this guy who just handed me his number. Jon said he had bad teeth, I honestly hadn't noticed, which is odd for me, because I'm all about good teeth. I still wasn't sure. My sister said she coulsn't believe this had all happened while she was playing bingo because she didn't catch on at all.
    Well, I called Norman, despite his name. We had a nice conversation that turned a little naughty, It wasn't phone sex, but it was phone sexy. I liked his voice, and he seemed smooth and confident that evening. Little did I know that things were about to change.
    We got disconnected, and he called me back. It happened again. Damn cell phones. About the sixth time I was annoyed and tired and I didn't want to talk anymore.
    We finally got off the phone.
    First thing the next morning, I am awakened by the phone ringing. It's Norman. I just got a bad feeling about the whole thing at that point. He called me later that afternoon, and into the evening. I really didn't get much done that day. He called me at a minimum od three times a day for the next four days. It was at that poing after running out of things to say to him very quickly that I told him I was going out of town for the weekend (I was.) I told him not to call because I would be out of state with friends for the next four days. HE whined and asked why he couldn't call me if I was out with friends. I tried to explain it to him but did a poor job and he got hurt. He told me to be good ( I can only assume he was asking me not to be with any other guys () and I said No, I would not be good. I was going out of town with people I adore and one in particular that I wanted to have a little more fun with in the evenings.
    When I got back he called me almost immediately, I barely had my suitcase in the door.
    He wanted to know what I had done. So.. I told him. I had sex, good sex. I was happy. He was not. He was jealous and hurt, again. I should have stopped talking to him altogether at that point, but I didn't. Instead, I did the exact opposite. I went to see him the next day. What the hell was I thinking. I kissed him. He does have bad teeth, I couldn't kiss him again. But I did let him touch me. He started out rubbing my back. This felt really good, especially since I had done something awful to my rib the day before while I was still out of town. I let him touch me some more. I let him take off my shirt. Honestly, I just wasn't thinking. We didn't have sex, we didn't even do much else, but I did get to see his amazingly huge penis. (Damnit, he has bad teeth regardless of his penis size and I can't be with him at all.) There are things that I found attractive about him that I do not wish to find attractive. He likes country music, and while I have nothing against people who do for the most part, he has an obsession with it and refuses to listen to anything else. He tries to tell me what to wear. He called me stupid names like honeypie and sweetie. I don't usually like pet names either, but in this case it was annoying. God what a loser, (I can't really figure out if I'm talking about him or me.) Either way, He is getting really obsessive about me,. and calling a lot. When I didn't return his phone calls for two days he got all offended and wrote me a really bad text message. )And when I say bad, I mean gramatically incorrect too.)
    He called me three times last night despite telling me goodbye in a rather final fashion earlier. I really thought he wouldn't be calling again, but no such luck.
    I really don't know what to do in this situation, And I really feel like I brought it on myself. Sometimes I'm such an idiot when it comes to guys. The ones I want don't want me, and the ones I shouldn't be caught dead with instead I am nice to and they end up getting really attatched. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I'm going to do with him.
    Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
    2:49 pm
    So long Frank Lloyd Wright
    What kind of song is this? I know it's an old S&G tune. I'm listening to WYEP and the soundtrack of my current journaling experience is hardly what I would choose myself. Don't get me wrong, I love this station, I completely support independant public radio (Though not as much financially as I would like to.) but sometimes they come up with the strangest songs to play. I have to blame Rosemary.
    I'm trying to get my house in order. This is a daunting task to say the least. I always feel that when my house is in order, my life feels more in order. Or maybe it's the other way around. I'm not really sure. In any case, I have to do something.
    I just got divorced. It's been about twenty days since the whole thing was final. I got the house. I'm glad I got the house, I love this house. But with half of the stuff missing from it it feels strange. I have noticed that it has a way more positive energy now that I'm here alone. Well, I'm not completely alone. I still have my daughter and Oxana, my cat. We like it here. We do just fine.
    So right now I find myself in my more positive feeling house with my daughter and my cat and I also find myself completely boy-crazy. This is a problem. Well, It could be a problem. It isn't quite yet. But it has potential.
    I have more men in my life in some way or another now than I have in the last ten years of my life. I find myself attracted to younger boys (the occasional 23 year old regardless of the fact that they are 11 years younger than me.) and the older men. I'm at the point right now that I just don't know exactly what I want. It's understandable to some degree. At least I know what I don't want. Or at least I think I do.
    2:38 pm
    19th time is a charm.
    So I decided to start a live journal. It's not like I need to start another journal, I have them on OD, MDD, ITW, etc... But I never actually had a "Live Journal". So... Here I am.
    I tried to use one of my past journaling names, but it just didn't work. I ended up typing in 99greenbunnies just as a last resort kind of thing and, lo and behold, it took. It was about my 19th try. And now my new name on my brand spanking new journal is 99greenbunnies. Whatever.
    I don't even know what kind of stuff I will be writing here, probably stuff that I feel censored from in some of my other journals. I don't like to censor my writing, but there are some places that my brother and sisters know about, and other places that my friends know about, and here I am starting over without any real direction, but starting over nonetheless.
    Here we go...
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